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I have just survived Heart problems and Surgery for a third time. It is only the intervention of the Surgeons that make you realise just how mortal you really are. Because of this I am asking questions of not just my Mortality, but also my Gender!

There are times when I feel that I do not want to go on, but realise that I have to. My loved ones would be hurt immensely, plus I still have things to do! My Father comes to me from time to time just to remind me of this fact. Dad died in 1976. I feel that I must honour his memory and words.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and see Female, other times I see Male. Because of this, the inner conflict is enormous! I am still unable to really come to terms with all that has happened since SRS, two years ago. To those waiting for SRS this may seem incredible. You really do not understand at this time what your feelings truly are, until after SRS. The huge change you are about to face is enormous, but you are not capable of the full understanding and enormity until after SRS.

The adjustment to come is phenomenal, even though you have been living in role for some considerable time. I would caution those considering SRS, to think long and hard, and to talk to someone who has gone through the Change. This may give some understanding to the immense change between living in role and now being permanently Female. Believe me, it is such a huge change, that it is akin to the first man on the moon.

I would ask all those considering SRS to think long and hard, and to not consider it as the Panacea for all ills, as it is not!

I am now Female, and there is really no conceivable way back. I have to accept what I have become, for good or bad! I am extremely fortunate to have excellent support from Family and Friends, but this does not compensate in full for what is to follow after SRS. I thought that becoming Female was the answer to my inner devils caused by my Gender Dysphoria, unfortunately it is not always so. Because of the contact with others via my Support Groups, it continually takes me back to square one. I am and forever will be a genetic Male, XY, but Gender wise I was completely wrong! What was the initial cause of this? I have no idea. Questions are still arising, without any answers to our problems. How long will the misery of our condition be ongoing without adequate answers?

Are we fully aware of what HRT{oestrogen replacements] are doing to us? There have been no definitive studies on the effect of oestrogen upon Trans Women. These are only now being studied for Genetic Woman. Does this mean that what affects them, affects us also, or more so? Considering that Oestrogen has been around since the 1900s, you would think that there would be a considerable amount of knowledge into the good and not so good effects!

I am concerned for the younger ones going through SRS, as they are to endure long term HRT for the whole of their lifetime. If this is true, what will be the outcome for an 18 year old Changeling? Only when we have answers to these questions will we be truly able to understand the full importance of what we are driven to, because of our Gender Dysphoria.

In the event of feeling down or suicidal, I have no one to turn to who understands the full impact of my problems. There is no Professional advice or support to cope, as they do not understand us well enough to be able to cope. My Psychiatrist considers me to be "Very Well Adjusted" I would question this line of thought, as again most, if not all of them have no concept of our dilemma, before, during or after our change.

Because of an ill conceived change that was reported on ABC and highly increased indemnity insurance, some Psychiatrists/Psychologists are now holding back giving consent for the operation. This is causing great frustration and in many cases distress and depression to those who thought they were on the way finally. I understand about their concern that they maybe sued because of future events, but how long do they intend to continue in this way?

Kathy Anne Noble 17/11/2003

Changeling AspectsIn affiliation with Agender-(Aust) & Transbridge-(Townsville)

We are based in South East Qld, in Australia About Us  ... Contact Us    ( Most Art above are extracts from the Art of Maxfield Parrish )

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This Website Created ...... Saturday, 20. May 2006

Last Updated: Tuesday, 22. January 2008

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